Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Desk Jockey : Auto-Gawd !!!



Week -2 

Sucked it up and finally jumped head first into AutoCAD today, a software which according to me is the closest I’ll ever be to anything remotely Rocket Science Related. I had been  avoiding AutoCAD like the Plague, sticking to word, excel and PDF files. Couldn’t put it off anymore, finally decided to download the blessed thing. Asked around for a installer CD, nobody had one. all the senior engineers were using the old version and the newbies were still using the student version. So I go online and download the one month trial version so I can get started immediately.


Even my Laptop seemed surprised that I was downloading AutoCAD, It asked me thrice. It first asked me “ do you want to install AutoCAD 2016?” I said “Yes Please”. Then it asked me again “ errrr are you SURE you want to install AUTOCAD 2016 !!!!” I said “YES god damnnit !!!” . After a long painful silence punctuated with frequent arthritic whirring of the laptops cooling fan , it asked me “ Should we speak to the administrator and ask him if it’s ok?” I replied “you are MY Laptop you idiot, I am The Bloody Administrator, Now OBEY me and install the Bleeding Thing” The Laptop jumped to it and got busy doing its bidding , these Artificial Intelligence thingys need to be put in its place, else they will start travelling back in time and try assassinating a younger you, ask John Connor.

 When I told Boss/Dad I had the 2016 version he gave me a look which I translated to being a look of admiration, but deep down I know it was the exact same look he would give a monkey walking around with a MAC Pro book.

So heavily armed with the latest version of I ventured into the dense deep jungle of electrical drawings and Layouts. I felt like a caveman walking around with an AK-47. a caveman would be more prone to using the rifle as a club rather than fire it. Likewise I would be happy if I didn’t make an ass of myself by trying to use AutoCAD to download YouTube videos.

During the start up of software’s like AutoCAD and acrobat have this live commentary going on on what is happening, one of the lines I noticed during start up was  “Loading working environment “  I looked around me in awe half expecting my cubical to start turning into a AutoCAD suitable work environment. I am not sure what the use of the live commentary is, is it just to give the waiter/user some reading material to distract him from how long the loading process is. Or is it just to intimidate a person into believing there are too many complicated stuff happening beyond their comprehension so to quietly hit the X n go open a word document. Am not sure which one but both worked on me.

45 minutes into AutoCAD I now know two things, first is, hit “escape” the minute you click something and the color changes in the drawing. And secondly when in doubt close document and pretend like you never opened it in the first place in case someone asks. Every time I hit X to close the drawing AutoCAD asks me cheekily “ Do you want to save the changes you have made? ”, knowing full well that I have absolutely no idea what I am doing and there is no way in hell I would save anything I ever did.


 I might have impressed the tea delivery guy with all the colorful and serious looking drawings i seemed to always have open, when he  comes by with my coffee. But then again working for as long as he has in the office I wouldn’t be surprised if he tapped me on my shoulder and said “keep scroll wheel pressed to pan document”.

The Kind of Stuff I hope to use AutoCAD for. 

What I'll Probably End up Using it For.



Thursday, January 28, 2016

Desk Jockey, Day:2



Day: 2

Woke up with the alarm and broke my own personal record of hitting the snooze button just three times. Woke up jumped into ma shoes and headed to the Club for a Run, The instructor did a double take when he saw me walking in to the Gym at 0730 in the morning. Looking around i noticed that the average age of the Gym was 83, gave myself one more future excuse to use on myself on why i shouldn’t come for a run in the morning. Having done my ritual stumbling on the treadmill headed home to Boot up for another day of Vinay in Solar Land

This is What True Love Looks Like!
Boss/Dad then showed me to my cubicle. My nesting instincts immediately kicked in and i set about personalizing it. After spending 15 minutes adjusting the Chair, changing the location of the laptop 4 times and designating a spot for my Dwight Shroot Bobble head (which i don’t yet own and also which i checked online immediately to ensure it is available). I spent another 10 minutes wrestling furiously with my laptop charging cord, Phone charger and the mouse USB cord, who after spending half an hour together in my bag, fell in love and swore they would never be separated without putting up a struggle to the death. i finally settled down to get some work done.

 Boss/Dad gave me a couple of reports of how to set up a Solar Power plant. Reading through (studiously ignoring all the big words, it was too early in the day to Panic) i realized that these files were all project reports submitted by various EPC firms, (EPC – Engineering procurement and construction. Impressed yet? )
 So I figured you want to do something and don’t know how. All you got to do is send out mails asking for a presentation and quote from a few folks with the know how. Take the first quote, Google all the big words, and then Google up some brand new bigger words and compile a Cheat sheet, most important  divide the project cost by two. Then Call the second quote giver and pretend you already know how to do it but not able to do it on your own because you are needed to act in the new star wars movie and   are doing a favour to them by letting them do the project. Offer to pay them half of what the first quote said. They are sure to immediately claim that they would not have any money to feed their children if they did it at that cost. Then you pretend to be Mother Teresa and increase it by 25%, bring in a third group if you are the Ménage a Trios kind.So and so forth, OR you could just use the report to do it yourself. wow !! it just took 2 days to turn me into some kind of evil corporate vulture. Fortunately Dad/Boss has better ethics and principles than me and made sure i did all the Technical research by myself and i have absolutely no corporate decision making role ( Damn it!! so much for taking notes while watching Wall Street or Wolf of Wall Street).

Met Mr. P who will be my immediate boss, he is in charge of the Electrical side of the Plant. I managed to look intelligent yet again with a lot of nodding and pursing of lips and narrowing of the eyes.Got discussing a few drawings, slowly was beginning to decipher the nomenclature used. I was swimming in the uncharted waters of electrical drawings, schematics and schedules. Amidst all the Greek and Latin, shocked myself by actually coming up with a reasonable solution for a small problem, got so excited that I immediately forgot what I said. Mr. P then asked me make the changes as per the idea. I have NO idea what to do. The trouble was when I was talking, I wasn’t listening, and then I got busy celebrating my new found Smartness. Nope!!  Absolutely NO idea.


Monday, January 25, 2016

The Accidental Desk Jockey!!



Current Situation:Unemployed, I first considered selling a Kidney, and then Dad made me an Offer of working for him. I thought about it and decided I shall keep my over sized jelly bean. I didn’t think my other kidney would be able to handle the pressure of working all by itself (Performance anxiety works for body parts too you know, my bladder is proof of that, It will be perfectly fine and humming along. The minute I get into a long distance bus, it suddenly realizes that it is at the point of exploding).
 So dad made me an offer I didn’t want to refuse, and I was now the newest entrant to the world of Desk Jockeys.(Triumphant and fanfare music,.... no?...oh alright move on.)

Dad is the MD of an organization which is setting up a solar power plant close to Madurai. He wanted me on board at the starting stage so I could start at the basics. I had a strong feeling he wanted me joining at this stage because this way I would inflict least damage on myself or on his Dream project.

So I walked into the office and was immediately whisked away to a meeting with BBA(name changed very badly and is fooling nobody, looks like no identities are going to be protected) whose work on site I was supposed to watch, coordinate with and supervise on behalf of the Company. Being introduced as the MD’s son helped and they couldn’t smell my ignorance immediately. I sat down and tried to look as important as I could manage to without making an ass of myself. I nodded intelligently, took notes , pursed my lips and even narrowed my eyes when spoken to. The works!!. BBA left the meeting either thinking that I am the newest threat to their company, or that I have severe constipation. Former would be better, but I suppose the latter is inevitable.

Was given a pile of files to read through and bring me up to stat with the project. I settled down and pulled out the top most file and started reading the first page. One hour and 2 files later I leaned back and decided the project files were not working so I looked around to make sure no one was looking and having established my reputation was going to be unharmed I Googled “ HOW DOES A SOLAR POWER PLANT WORK?”, realizing this might lead to advance level reading material i revised it to " WHAT IS SOLAR ENERGY".

If there is one subject I hated as much or slightly more than mathematics was electrical. In fact despite being a marine engineer and having to work on electrical equipments on a regular basis, and also have to study and give exams, I am still not sure how a current actually passes in a wire.
If I were asked to explain to a kid how a current passes through a conductor I would first take a deep breath and look for the closest exit,if i did end up talking to him about it, at the end of my talk he would probably end up thinking that electricity is the work of  fairies and elves and that Harry Potter is real. I would totally prefer giving the kid the talk about the bird and bees  .

I have been always lucky to have an electrical officer on board with me leaving me to focus on the mechanical side of things. If something electrical didn’t work I would first stare at it and alternately threaten or  plead for it to work, I would then poke it with a stick, if that didn’t work I would whack it between three to eighteen times, If it still didn’t work I would say the magic words “ Electrical Officer HHEEELLLPPP”.

The only time I had ever used Solar energy before was when I used a magnifying glass to burn a piece of paper. Unfortunately a power plant is slightly more complicated than that, and fortunately it turns it is not Rocket science either. So looks like I might be of some use to the company after all.
Survived day one, and I am actually excited about day two. Well Here Goes Nothing.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

ATM Bomb !!!




Using an ATM here in Amareeka is boring. there is no flair, no drama , no fun. they have stuck an ATM machine just about anywhere they could. on a wall, corner of a building, even in the middle of a parking lot.Hell !! you can use the ATM without even having to unbuckle your seat belts. its just no fun.

Back home going to an ATM is almost a religious experience.the ATM machines are treated with reverence , they are enclosed in their very own individual shrines.like small temples to the god of wealth. they sit there  glowing in the bright cheerful lighting with promise of riches, like an oasis in a desert with better lighting and air condition though.

 If you are rolling your eyes saying I am being melodramatic! then sit down, take a load off. I am now going to school you on the step wise protocol of using an ATM.

Step 1 - Finding an ATM , sure there are plenty of ATM's the trick is to find one which works. and then when you do, ensuring you have met the VISA / MASTERCARD criteria is the next step (why can't they all just get along??!! )

Step 2 - Join the line and immediately memorize the Color of clothing of the person in front of you. vital step if you are going to be playing Angry birds or temple run, so when you look up between levels and see a different color in front of you switch immediately to Mel Gibson's Braveheart avatar and prepare to protect your ground . Peeing on the leg of the person in front of you to mark your territory is severely frowned upon.


Step 3 -  This step is where the you finally get to use the mathematics skills you acquired by solving those " If James can eat 3 apples in 4 hours how many apples can he eat in 29 minutes" problems from back in school. first count the number of people ahead of you [ X ] then  count the number of machines operational [ Y ] . next, time a person using the machine by counting Mississippily , convert the seconds to minutes [ t ]and then use the above information to calculate how long it will take for you to reach the machine [ T ]. This exercise not only keeps you from becoming impatient it also helps improve your IQ.  So you are calmer and also feel superior to the person standing in front of you staring at his phone. Mental Arithmetic Hell yeah !!... abacurse that Bi#@hes!!
 Okay back to business,here is the equation -
                                                                  T = ( (X * t /60) / Y )+ GD  
No no don't thank me i have always been this selfless and giving.

So T is the number of minutes you spend waiting for your turn, allowing you to plan the rest of your day with acute and precise planning. before you get all excited and carried away at your newly acquired knowledge and run to the closest ATM  clutching your card, let me  inform you about the constant i call "GD" , it is a very important constant without which you may end up having to constantly re calculate. GD is short for GOD DAMN!!! there will always be a few idiots in every line who will cause a pile up. they will either swipe the card the wrong way or too fast repeatedly, enter the wrong password, not have sufficient funds but still check three times because you never know at the third try the bank might feel bad for them and stuff a thousand bucks as a goodwill gesture, or you will have the one literary buff who will stand in front of the machine after the transaction and read every word printed on the receipt as if he was deciphering the secret coded answer to the meaning of life in that  tiny little piece of paper the machine scornfully spat out.

So look carefully at all the people standing in line front of you. No no you don't have to do a body language course to figure out who falls into the GD category. some basic tells are, holding the ATM card with two hands..... he is a newbie and does not know what he is doing . If he is reading the terms and conditions at the back of the card.... we have a reader here. If the person is restless, nervous or fidgety then all signs point to him not having money in the bank and is just trying his luck.

Step 4 -  Having arrived at the door, please tip toe past the sleeping security guard, do not make sudden movements or alarming noises, because that's the last thing you want to do is to startle a man with a gun whose only training with weaponry was to be informed which is the business end of a rifle  and which his end was.so exercise all caution as you would when trying to sneak past a dragon guarding a treasure.

Step 5 - Doing Pranayama or any other form of breathing exercise will help for this phase. when you have on an average of 15 people using a enclosed glass box per hour, the odds of one of them having a bad stomach and indiscriminately flatulent  is pretty high and by Murphy's law he will be one who uses the machine before you. so being able to hold your breath for extended durations helps.

Step 6 - Figure out if the Machine is a Push button or a touch screen. If you were pawing the screen thinking it was a touch screen then do not be embarrassed , nonchalantly pretend like you were cleaning the screen , pull out a hand kerchief and spray some on some Colin too on the screen to show conviction.

Step 7 - Pretend you are on Kaun Banega Crorepathi and answer all the questions like you were on the fastest finger first round.

Step 8 - On completion of the entire transaction , when asked if you require a receipt . press yes , on collecting the receipt crush it immediately and toss it into the waste basket without so much as looking at it.
Them trees are over rated anyways.(or are they??!)

 That folks is how to use an ATM. not drive in and  drive out.

My favorite part of using an ATM is all the drama that kicks in after typing the denomination and hitting enter, the dramatic silence which ensues. in That few seconds which stretch out agonizingly if you were low on funds, one rethinks their entire financial situation the guilt of not having started saving,anger at those impulsive buying spree and just when you have given up all hopes of getting any money, lo behold piercing the painful silence, is the metallic whirring, like a light dispelling darkness. the joyous whirring heralding the acceptance of your request and eminent arrival of cashhhhhhhhh!!! its like stepping into Vegas and winning on a slot machine everyday.

I did use an ATM to have a drink on a rainy night  a couple of times, but hey thats a story for another day ;)



Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Something Fishy !!


Fishing .... People really seem to take fishing pretty seriously here. I wandered into a sports shop the other day and was greeted with some hardcore equipments starting from some heavy duty boats to depth finders, sonars ,GPS , radio , tackle boxes , lures , rods , add in a automatic rifle and you have enough equipment to invade a small country , all this gadgetry to land a fish seems a little excessive , its like using the NASA server to update your status message on facebook. looks like the fishes are evolving into a smarter and more devious form too, hence the heavy artillery.

I suppose i could blame it on Mark Twain for putting the idea of fishing in my head, by painting those idealic pictures of Tom Sawyer and huckleberry Finn playing hokey from school and going fishing.

when I was kid I used to watch street urchins, string a fishing net across a storm water drain ( I call it a fishing net cos of its present functional usage , before the net turned into its present avatar of a fishing net it used to serve its primary purpose at keeping Mosquitoes at bay at nights, I wonder who the poor victim of this heinous Mosquito net related crime was , and pray he did not come down with malaria, i have also gotta add here that the storm water drains i mentioned weren't the squeaky clean types one gets to see in America where Travolta attended  drag races or Schwarzenegger chased down killer robots, this was a drain which was a mini Eco system in itself , filled with insects which ranked very high up on the disease charts ,algae had other forms of algae growing on it, the water was a pleasant shade of black and on a lucky day one got to see a bloated carcass of a dog floating by).

yes, back to the street urchins, I used to watch enviously as these Guys strung a net across the drain and came up with a handful of fishes , which they would safely deposit in a glass jar. This simple act blew my mind, I was hooked (pun unintended) I could not take my eyes away from them,the look of absolute joy and satisfaction on their faces was contagious , this was where my fascination for fishing began, I never did venture out into the drain to have a go at this wonderful sport with such a primal nature, but I knew for sure I would want to try it when I was older ,wiser and didn't have to take My mothers permission to venture out into the drains. I did buy the fishes off the urchins once though but ill save that story for another day.

Years went by and I got older and wised up enough to realize that venturing into the drains wasn't a very good idea ,but the enigma of fishing only grew stronger ,I was intrigued by the different types of fishing, not the trawling, dynamiting or mega sized fishing nets it had to be more one on one, more a man versus wild thing.

Picture borrowed (read stolen!)
 The Chinese fishing nets in the backwaters of Kerala, This i feel is the best example of Overkill..... its like constructing a intricate and complex device involving robotic arms ,motion sensors and titanium plates to kill a cockroach.... the catch was so miniscule compared to the engineering and thought that was required to build these nets. Hey don't judge me, but if i was building something that big or so cool looking i would want to catch me a whale. if they were really going to be catching that pitiful amount of fishes they might as well pull of their lungis and jump into the water i say!!

I was visiting Pondicherry  and did chance upon a lake with paddle boats for hire. so i did what any excited city slicker on a holiday would do....... I dutifully hopped on to one and paddled away. Suddenly i see a man in the distance standing in the middle of the lake..... no you read it right i will repeat with dramatic effects this time... i saw a man... standing... in the the Middle of the lake..... as i had never met Jesus Christ before i decided to paddled towards him and hoped to befriend and add him on my facebook. hey, doesn't hurt to have the son of god as your friend when its judgment day right?

so as i got nearer, i noticed that it wasn't a Jewish carpenter out for a walk on a lake but a Indian fisherman propped up on a vertical wooden log in the middle of the lake fishing using a rod (wooden stick). It was the coolest thing i had seen since i heard of ice fishing. i loved the concept. it seemed the purest form of fishing. a simple wooden stick, nylon rope, a steel hook, a wooden pole, and most important factor.... patience.
it seemed to me such a zen moment.
I approached the man slowly , he looked at me and gave me an annoyed look for scaring away the fishes. but i had to ask him a really important question so i braved past the scowl and paddled closer. i stopped paddling and allowed the boat to slowly drift towards him and finally bumped the pole. he looked down at me, the sun was behind him so it looked like he had a halo of brilliant light behind him, i looked up, squinted  and asked him in an almost reverent voice .... " Beedi irka ?" ( do you have a beedi? ).........
True story



I later did get to find out that these people plant the wooden poles in the lake during the summer seasons when water levels are much lower and they swim to these poles everyday, the catch is generally about half a dozen medium sized fishes for a afternoon of fishing.. Nevertheless This form of Old school fishing appealed to me.
  ( Picture only representative... this man did not give me a beedi )





I finally did get to try my hand at fishing few years later while I was sailing.
The vessel was anchored outside Malta waiting for clearance to enter Valleta harbor, was a pleasant Sunday afternoon when the big honchos decided to wind up for the day leaving us lesser important folks to hit the beer cans with a vengeance,after a couple of cans the worm of fishing was planted in out heads , thus began Operation Fishing , nylon threads were procured , hooks fabricated in a jiffy ( the workshop had never seen so many people actually working before) we all cast our lines and waited, not very patiently though. the beers flowed and time seemed to crawl, it didn't help that we kept pulling the line out of water to check if we had caught a fish every few minutes. we finally gave up in a couple of hours.
 But a few months later we tried again and this time with some very good tips given by our in house fishing experts, the Gujarati crew members who 9 out of 10 times were from Daman or Diu and were fishermen by birth and genetically engineered to catch fishes with annoying ease and nonchalance.
We were luckier this time and some people even caught some squids, though i must admit i have never landed a fish by myself, i would hold a line for 2 hours and nothing would happen....  I would hand the line to another person and within a few minutes he would have a fish at the end of the line. My chief officers 6 year old daughter landed more fishes than i did, my vegetarian Fifth Engineer was more successful than me (though he shrieked more than the lil girl if the fish touched him)
But i enjoyed it, the feel of staring out into the water lost in thought waiting for the bob to disappear, a chilled beer in hand and Creedence clearwater revival playing in the background.a Solitary Pursuit.

More ships were sailed on and  many more fishing sessions happened and i continued, my score undisturbed at a big zero, nevertheless always diligently trying. fished in the south china sea,bay of Bengal, Arabian sea, Indian ocean , Mediterranean sea ,North sea, black sea and even in the middle of the amazon too but still no luck. come to think of it i really don't know how i would react if one day the bob did disappear and i had a fish at the end of my line. Would i actually be able to reel it in?

I must admit though i only enjoy the hunt and not the kill. the thrill of fishing ends as soon as the fish is out of the water. and lies there glassy eyed tail twitching and staring into your soul. so i am all for catch and release. That is if i ever manage to catch one ... Ever!

Friday, December 27, 2013

Beer blues !!!!


..... I came ....... I stared ........ I left...... After staring long and hard at the screen for 15 minutes, I realized I had absolutely nothing to write about......
Guess that's what happens when you have not set foot on land for almost 2 months. Sigh !!!

In case you haven't guessed yet, i am back on high seas and am having a classic case of the blues (pun?aw shucks who cares if it was intended or not)
the yonder Indonesian islands tease me seductively with their blue hued mist covered mountains , the waves playfully tumbling on rocks like a bunch of puppies. And the trees gently swaying like in a trance. While I am stuck on a ship anchored miles away..... I am not sure if all this melancholic demeanor has something to do with the fact that I have been sober for way too long.

The last can of beer was last seen on the horizon 3 weeks back , and its been a dry and thirsty existence. I have fond memories of it as I lovingly pulled the tab back, heard the crisp click and watched the froth rush out like a well behaved wave on a beach, the pleasant numbing of my lips as they touched the edge of the ice cold can, the gurgling in my throat as the sunlight colored liquid rushed down , triggering a chain reaction in my body.
The epiglottis hurriedly shuts down the airway like a spanish official just before the running with bulls in Pamplona .The tongue yells out "yo Liver, incoming" the Liver who until now was introvertishly sulking in a corner contemplating the meaning of life and other heavy stuff is suddenly galvanized into action he enthusiastically rolls up his sleeves and with a song on his lips gets down to work. The stomach turns into one big water park party, everybody from pancreas to gall bladder is jumping in with hoops of joy, even the shy little appendicities jumps into a swim suit and heads out to party.
the heart churns out a mean beat on His turn table and the lungs are getting jiggly with it ala will smith style , the kidneys are slapping each other on the back and heading to the bar. The only organ which seems to be working now is the bladder who does not mind working overtime for a good cause. Even the reclusive esophagus decides to make an appearance, and looking at all this the brain has a contended smile on his face and looks on with a satisfied expression and decides to throw on a bright blue Hawaiian shirt and join the party.

.ahhhhh I miss those days, back when beer was bountiful and was just a stretch of the arm away ......... I am going to go and sulk for a little while now.

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Is There a Googler In The House??!!


You know you are getting old when you start feeling pains in parts of your body you cant reach anymore.

I am a compulsive googler, i google everything from Sunny Leones earlier works in her movie carrer ( oh come on!! dont get all holier than thou on me, i am sure you did too, i am just honest enough to admit it) to how many stars are in the galaxy (100 Billion incase you were wondering, your welcome ) 
The older I get the wiser I have become, I don't click on the first suggestion Google churns out for my symptoms and start panicking, I am wiser now and open four or five different pages weigh my options and finally select the best diagnosis. Now that I am wiser I don't settle for the most convineant sounding ailment , I now have a few category's to be met, like fancy sounding names filed with medical terminologies with a glamorous background or cool sounding names "Achilles heal" , or even "tennis elbow". Why tennis elbow you ask ? , it's simple, when you tell somebody you have tennis elbow you are implying that you play tennis , which implies that you are athletic. It does not matter that you gave yourself tennis elbow by doing some chronic ear wax digging.

I blame Google for all the ailments that ail me.it has unfortunately gotten too easy for one to become a self proclaimed Google certified doctor. connecting the dots from symptom to disease is but now a few click away( a few painful clicks if you have carpal tunnel syndrome.where did I learn about carpal tunnel syndrome you ask ? i gave myself carpal tunnel syndrome while i was frantically  trying to find out how to give myself a back massage  ).

I have always wondered why doctors felt the need to display their degree certificate on the walls of their clinic. Now I understand , it is their way of saying " I went to medical school for 5 bloody years. I know more about your problem than what you can research on Google or Wikipedia so please keep your mouth shut and allow me to do my job".

Doctors initially had to deal with patients sneaking away from the prescribed treatment and trying home remedies. And then returning sheepishly in a worse off condition than they began with . Today doctors have to deal with google-fueled-smartarsess .not only do these guys steer away from their prescribed treatment and dosage half the time, they arrive at the doctors door after having unsuccessfully tried to cure a whole different non existing disease. Now the doctor has to deal with the problem in hand and the problems caused by the self medication.

Patient- doctor I have been noticing a abnormal growth on my forehead which is growing at an alarming rate could it be malignant poly tumor ?
Doctor - no Einstein,it is a pimple and if you stop touching it every 3 minutes it will stop growing.

Back home in India ,medical help comes in all shapes , sizes, budgets and even religion . From witch doctors to neurotic surgeon we have them all. here in the US medical help is sinfully expensive if you do not have an insurance. i was speaking to a friend of mine visiting on a tourist visa, and he happened to mention that he has been sick for a few days and is considering going to a doctor but didn't have a insurance coverage, i asked him to suck it up and cure it by swigging a bottle of whisky and sleeping for 36 hours, else he would have to sell a kidney to pay for the treatment of a common cold.

 I have spent more time researching the different pains radiating from my legs than actually running.

I now know that i can get Runners knee( Ilio Tibial Band Syndrome or Pattelofemoral Syndrome) ,Shin Splints( Medial Tibial Stress Syndrome) ,Plantar Fasciitis , Achilles Tendinopathy , Plica syndrome, Hip Burstis or Excercise Induced Compartment Syndrome and  almost scared myself into never running again.

Ilio Tibial Syndrome or Plantar Fasciitis sounds like something you would catch from recreational visits to the  shadier parts of the city but i assure you it is not.

I twisted my ankle a month back while running and while my wife was fussing all over me , I told her in my best Indiana jones voice, "don't sweat it luv,all I need is R.I.C.E" ... " Rest,Ice,Compression and Elevation" as she looked at me with admiration in her brown eyes , I didn't have the heart to tell her I learnt it from google while I was limping painfully back home. So google to the rescue I guess .
Makes you look smarter than you really are. 

 Its not long before the legendry sentence " is there a doctor in the house? there has been an emergency!!" will soon be replaced by "is there a googler in the house??!!". Don't be surprised if you see some smug idiot with smart phone step up and say " I know CPR, I just googled it." 
Sure google has that annoying habit of trying to guess what your looking for, keeps trying to tell you what you want before you finish your sentence(all you men,if you just had a sense of deja vu then you must be a married),But honestly speaking i really dont mind,you never know what you might find.its like sticking your hand into box of assorted cookies and not knowing what you might pick. i asked google four most elementry questions Who,How,When,Where and What google had a couple of interesting suggestions to make...


How to Boil an EGG??!! seriously??

 Google must be  high on Weed!!
excellent questions for a Pothead.


This is what i mean by intersting new finds i could
have been typing " what is quantum physics" but
now i going to discover what
Harlem Shake is !! win win if you ask me

Where is the Love indeed.
and off course where is Chuck Norris!!
Wouldn't you want to know ?





  
Google is the new age Jeeves.

In case you were wondering what a Harlem Shake is :)

http://www.youtube.com/embed/4hpEnLtqUDg?autoplay=1