how would you like it if Hitler and his band of Nazi hit squad (SS) were to be portrayed as Santa Claus and his merry elves? what if Hitler was portrayed as a funny,lovable and charming middle aged bachelor who loved nothing better to than curl up with a good book and a glass of wine after a busy day at the office, his 9-6 everyday (weekends included) consisted of ordering death squads, invading countries and systematically wiping out an entire race ( its a hard job, but hey!! somebodies gotta do it ) . yes the question still stands. how would you like it? i am guessing not very much.(if you do agree, then your folks did a very good job of smuggling you out of the bunker before the Russians invaded ) so do you consider this very inaccurate imagery an abomination? ..... yup!! guessed as much !! that's the exact same feeling i get when i see movies like the underworld, the twilight saga and the vampire diaries series.
if i see a zombie i know what i need to do, i shoot it in the head and move on, nothing personal but that's the way it is. if i see a vampire i throw some holy water on it, and drive a wooden stake through its heart , what i don't do is fall in love with it .
five years back i knew where to find a book on vampires in a library, it was in the horror section, today it has crawled its way into the romance and young adults section. is it just me or does that really suck (no pun intended) a few years back a vampire shows up on screen the background music would be haunting and spine chillingly spooky, today it is romantic and melodious. vampires stayed in creepy castles, and stayed indoors till sundown and then roamed the country side looking for a quick bite.(pun intended) what they didn't do is attend public school and worry about their prom dates or dresses.
since when did the vampires turn into the good guys!!! if Dracula were to see today's television shows or movies believe me he would be twisting and turning in his coffin(pun unintended), and i wouldn't be surprised if he downed a shot of holy water, chomped on garlic bread and drove a wooden stake through his own heart. my heart bleeds(pun?) for Dracula, centuries of working on the fear factor and his tireless pursuit of building a aura of fear around himself and his legacy all flushed down the drain by a bunch of pretty boys. poor count Dracula is now drowning his sorrows over bloody marys (one pun too many).
i blame Hollywood for this farce , what happened to the good old heroes, start the day fighting the Russians, cross the Sahara desert by lunch,rescue a impoverished Latin american country from an evil dictator by tea time and be back to sweep away a distressing damsel for dinner, dance and beyond (nothing like bed,bath and beyond, though the beyond might include a bed and a bath). what we need are less conflicting good guys, sure the hero was a bad arse in some movies, a total jerk, but by the middle of the movie it is proved that he has a heart of gold.these days the hero has no heart!!!
i wonder how much longer our senses are going to be inflicted with vampires masquerading as the good guys and us humans as the hapless extras and . the exact moment when i realized we hit rock bottom was when the eyesore of a movie " Abraham Lincoln: vampire hunter" made its appearance.
as if corrupting the vampires wasn't enough, they have gone and destroyed the enigma of werewolves too.
what could be better than a vampire movie you ask? how about a movie with both vampires and werewolves reply the producers!!. add to that a love triangle and its a movie you will cough up good money to see they exclaim. its a dogs life for the werewolf (pun intended) in the movie as the girl picks the cold hearted blood sucker over him. i suppose it was love at first bite (pun intended) for her.
what happened to the good 'ol witches Macbeth stumbled upon, when did they suddenly step out of the Victoria secrets catalog??!!! hey, if someone were to tell me there are witches in the forest i imagine crooked nosed old women with a hyena laugh bunched around a cauldron, not playboy bunnies in a slumber party.
there are now three kinds of vampires,werewolves or witches and they are....the Good ,the Bad and the Ugly.
Clint Eastwood didn't have to deal with all this confusion!!!
alien movies are fine, they come, they see, they destroy a few wonders of the world, zap a few hundred people and they diligently got their butts booted back to which ever planet/galaxy they came from at the end of the movie, even the ones that were human friendly couldn't wait to get back home, ask E.T., all he said since he learnt to speak was .." E.T. go home!!".
the future looks bleak for Van helsing and Buffy the vampire slayer, its not long before you will find Buffy working in Starbucks and mr Helsing putting his vampire killing skills to good use in the pest control industry.
i have one lingering question though...... if a vampire bites a zombie.... will the zombie turn into a vampire or will the vampire turn into a zombie??........................... uh oh !!! did i just give the Hollywood folks another movie making idea!!! hold it right there!! i am calling dibs on this idea!!!!..... i better see some deposits in my bank (the regular kind, not the blood bank) else somebody is gonna hear from my lawyer... he can be a pretty nasty pain in the neck...... (last vampire pun..... i swear!!)
PS- Fact not Fiction- "in march 2007, self proclaimed vampire hunters vandalized the grave of former Serbian president Slobodan Milosevic and staked his body into the ground by driving a stake into the grave. although the group involved claimed this act was to prevent Milosevic from returning as a vampire , it is not known wether those involved actually believed this could happen or if the crime was simply politically motivated"
Go Figure...................
